Tuesday, August 24, 2010


So went to the Bristol Renaissance Faire in Kenosha last Saturday with a friend of mine. Judging by the getups, the term "Renaissance" seems to be interpreted very broadly to encompass Medieval, Goth, Punk, Pirate, Lord of the Rings, and "It was either this or ComiCon."  My friend bought a bodice at a Ladies Shoppe, and there we were instructed on what to look for in a good corset (never plastic boning; always metal).

I waited while she was fitted into her garb, amused at being called "milady" by another salesgirl wanting to know whether I needed any help. I was not in the market for a $90 corset, so I demurred and watched my friend be laced into hers. My friend is....well, she has quite the rack, so her bodice overflowethed.

"What do you think?" she asked me, modeling he corset, her now-useless bra in her purse, her bosoms exploding from the top of her shirt.

"Very wenchy," I asked. "You look like your name should have 'saucy' before it, and you should be carrying flagons to yon masters."

"Great; I'll take it," she said to the sales girl.

As we wandered, I noticed that men were giving themselves whiplash checking her out.

"So all you really do have to do is flash some boob," she mused.

"Apparently it really is that easy," I replied.

Highlights of the day included being grabbed by a man in a kilt (never joke with strangers about needing a good pillaging), trying on a chain-mail belt, almost tripping over a faerie sitting on the ground against a tree (and almost screaming because I thought she was dead),  drinking sasparilla and eating cheese fritters, and watching a Mud Show, a master of flaming bullwhips,  and a man get pelted with tomatoes as he hurled insults at the throwers.

At one point, one of the paid costumed wanderers came up to us and engaged us in conversation.

"Ginger with a beard!" my friend murmured to me (I'd told her I was particularly fond of gingers with beards). Alas, I was a tad shy and tongue-tied (I suck at flirting), so nothing came of it.

As I stood by the jousting arena, a small inner voice said, "You are standing in a Renaissance fair in Kenosha, Wisconsin. This is your life right now."

"Shut up shut up shut up," I replied. "I'm having fun. Right now I'm having fun."

The people were all very nice, it was a lovely nerdfest, and I bought a rune necklace and some incense just to get into the spirit.

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