Thursday, June 25, 2009

Lifetime. TV for Moms. Or Whores.

So I tend to have Lifetime TV on at night for the reruns of Frasier and Will and Grace. It's good for background noise, but the commercials are frightening. It's clear that the target audience is women (well, duh), but if one were to judge from the ads, the Women of Lifetime fall into several categories (not necessarily exclusive): 

  • Soulless Hot Backstabbing Sluts (sex is at it's best when you're competing with other women and -- Jackpot! - screwing their husbands)
  • Paranoid Mothers (a parade of products that you must provide to your kids lest they develop a serious case of scurvy and rickets)
  •  Women unable to attend properly to their own equipment (another parade of products, these designed to remove the very awkward Feminine Unfreshness, also known by the less euphemistic as Coochie Funk)
And of course, Women with Cancer. These have sub-categories, such as Women With Cancer whose devoted kids plan an outrageous gesture of love; Women With Cancer reconciling with their estranged kids; Women With Cancer ready to follow the dreams they never had the courage to pursue until terminal illness makes them understand what's Really Important, and that is to Follow Your Dreams.

The disturbing thing about the Women With Cancer is that they seem to be the only women who can actually focus on something they want (when they're not being martyrs) without being portrayed as selfish and dysfunctional.


SP said...

Well, you know what a friend of mine once called it. Lifetime - Television for Victims. I think that pretty much sums it up.

JC said...

Well, it's TV for Victims if the only power you allow the characters to have is the power to be available to everyone but herself. In the previews to some popular series, one woman has apparently betrayed her husband and her country, practically brought down the entire US Army, and alienated all of her friends with her awful, awful behavior.

She cheated on her husband.

Yeah, we make entire movies about men romping through as many sheets as possible, but when a wife cheats on her husband, it brings down all of civilization.