So my friend G and I had dinner last night. She is 40-something, her husband, 50. She is trying to get pregnant, and she has not had much luck, even with medical help. She suggested that part of the problem is...
"We don't DO it enough. R--is always too tired," she made a face over her pizza.
I took a deliberate bite of a truffle-oil mushroom slice, chewed, and said," I'm asking you this because I'm your friend. Are you sure you want to have a baby? If your husband is too tired to have sex, how is he going to handle having a baby? Babies are exhausting, and if you end up doing all of the parenting, you are going to be a wreck. Plus it's boring as hell, and you, like me, have no attention span."
Babysitting for two weeks has made me a baby expert.
"I just want a child," G replied. "I know I'll probably be the one staying home with it. I need to find friends and family that want to help out, though." (G's mother died a couple of years ago.)
I remained silent. I'd previously made my availability in that department pretty clear, and I feel absolutely no guilt in telling my friends that if I wanted that kind of action, I'd have had my own.
My other friend, B, also wants a baby. She just turned 40 and she and her husband are not in the best financial situation, but she realizes that clock is a -ticking. I will miss her friendship when it happens.
I'm already planning my excuses for avoiding baby showers. I'll buy a gift, but I've sworn off the showers. If feelings get hurt...what? Will they drop out of my life any faster once the kid is born? Will they not invite me to come over to their house (because it's easier) and try to have a conversation in ten-second snatches? What's my motivation?
Then there's L, whose boyfriend lives on a whole other continent. The logistics are daunting enough, but when she announced she was considering trying to get pregnant on his next visit, it was all I could do not to scream, "IS EVERY FORTYSOMETHING WOMAN I KNOW LOSING HER FREAKING MIND?!?!?" Since when is having a baby the solution to your dissatisfying life? Have you learned NOTHING from Britney Spears and J. Lo?!?!?"
Thank God my SP can't become pregnant. Even though he's usually on the rag.