Today is an unusual day in that it's nice out but I had no idea where I wanted to go. Usually I have a particular urge to see/do something, but not today, so I found myself in the rare circumstance of being at loose ends. Some friends and I were going to go to Midsommarfest, but plans never got firmed up, and today's mood was more solitary; I wasn't up for crowds. I wandered around the city with an underlying suspicion that there was something out there waiting to broaden my horizons, but my poor planning meant I was going to miss it.
Last night I sat down and attacked the pile of Things To Be Mended: replacing buttons, taking in a tank top, getting down with the sewing machine. It was incredibly satisfying, the addressing of small details, the simplifying of life. I plan to do more of that today: catching up on letters, cleaning my house, organizing my files. It's the kind of activity that helps me get my brain organized.
Canceled trendy dating account for lack of interest (mine). I get a kick out of the various personality tests these sites use , but I don't find them very helpful. Today I sat behind a couple on a bus; with one hand, the girl was absentmindedly caressing the guy's head, like a worry stone; with the other she held the cell phone she was having a full-blown conversation into. Since I would never do something so rude and would not tolerate it from someone else, I found it fascinating that this seemed to be an accepted dynamic of their relationship.
I think relationships fascinate me because I don't feel so in need of one that I could settle for the things that I see others accept as part and parcel of being in a couple. And yet, I like the idea. Intimacy vs. Autonomy; the eternal struggle.
So now it's time to wipe that To Do list clean and feel like a superhero.