Blizzards and Babies

We finally got some real snow, driven by high-speed winds. It was kind if fun.

At work they had a surprise baby shower today for G, my coworker. Because I work so closely with her, there was no graceful way I could get out of attending or contributing, so I had forked over my ten dollars and showed up at the restaurant downstairs at the end of the day.

There were chicken wings, sandwiches, dip. It was a lot like a Superbowl party, only quieter and with more pastels.

Co-workers, make and female, sat at various tables. I was sitting next to G. Another woman sat down across from me. It quickly became clear that she was also pregnant (she was very large, so it was hard to tell at first). It became equally clear that she loves to have babies, and was eager to bond with G. over this, and talk about pregnancy and babies at length.

"YOU MUST BE READY TO GO!" she bellowed around a mouthful of hot wings. G. Nodded.

"DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR UTERUS IS ABOUT TO DROP OUT OF YOUR BODY?"

"Kinda," G. replied.

I pushed away my cake.

Gifts were opened, and everyone who'd recently had a baby -- male and female -- were full of helpful hints about trimming nails, sleeping habits, bathing.

Looking around at all the (mostly young) people, mostly married, many with new babies, swapping family stories, I wondered what it must be like to want what other people want, to be able to find happiness in the same way, to be part of the tribe. This morning, while grabbing a watch out of my jewelry box, I spilled my old wedding ring onto the floor. I picked it up and put it on. I looked at myself in the mirror. It didn't look like me.