Saturday, February 4, 2012

Questions People Won't Ask Survey from

Inspired by Lisa's hilarious responses at  at Seeking Elevation. The girl is my hero.

Have you ever flirted with your best friend's bf/gf?
 At a party a year ago I decided to try to get drunk, which I've never done before (not much of a drinker, and don't hold it well). Five flutes of champagne later, I suggested to my friend's husband that we make out in the bathroom. He laughed and said, "Sure, JC, later." Clearly I am a failure as both a drunk AND a whore, because I told my friend about it. She also laughed. So I'm a failure at being a drunk, a whore, or a plausible threat to any relationship.

Do you think that you're all that and your probably really not? 
I think I'm somewhat that, but am always open to feedback.

Have you gotten beat up before. Tell the truth. 
In my 30s I got pushed off a platform at a club by some college girl, who thought she'd show off to her friends. (I'm small, so I look like an easy target). My friends and two of hers had to keep me from tearing her head off. I still don't know whether I'm proud or ashamed of that moment.  Probably proud. Yeah. Proud.

Are you smart or are you dumb?
Smart. Sometimes clueless, sometimes gullible, but I'm not dumb.

If you're a girl, do you scratch your boobs when nobody's looking? 
Who let the seventh-grader come up with this one?? 

Have you ever wanted to have sex with your own gender?
Not in real life. 

Are you liking this survey so far?
It's a bit frat boy, to tell you the truth.

Do you have a lot of friends or are you nobody at school?
I'm no longer in school, and I do have a fair number of friends. 

Are you annoying to most people? 
I don't think so, but when I am annoying to people, I am REALLY annoying to people.

Can you take the truth, no matter what it is?
Hell, no. I'd rather have the truth, of course, but it can be an awfully hard pill to swallow. I go through the stages of truth: shock, resentment, denial, defensiveness, realizing that yeah, I probably am that transparent. 

Would you go suicidal if someone in your family died?

Is there somebody in your life you hate at this point?
 "hate" implies spending a lot of energy, so no. There is someone who, if they were hit by a car, my life would be a lot less stressful.

Are you dreading something right now? 
Discovering that despite spending $130 on good running shoes that my newfound love of running on the treadmill will still be impossible thanks to neck issues. That, and the possibility that I will never snuggle with a man in bed again.

While taking this, did you start thinking about your true self? 
Actually, no. I tend to think about myself in an objectively critical way quite a lot.

Would you date somebody on Valentine's Day just to get something for Valentine's?
Enough with fucking Valentine's Day, already.

Have you ever broke somebody's heart and didn't care? 
Yes. But except for one guy, they deserved it. And because they used poor grammar, like saying "have broke" instead of "have broken."

Did you go to Pre-K?
When I was growing up, there was no public school before first grade. I went to a private kindergarten ( Four Seasons -- I'll sing our school song for you if you want). My sister went to private Pre-K, which was known as nursery school then. I think my mother could not wait to get us out of the house.

Take This Survey at't-Ask-Survey/


karen said...

You are right. This did sound rather frat boy. And for that reason alone I am only going to answer one of the questions, and I'm going to answer it right here:

Have you ever flirted with your best friend's bf/gf?

You know, back in the day, when my sisters were dating and I was pretty much, um, busy untangling some really big issues, my sisters' boyfriends told my sisters that I was flirting with them. Yup, all three of them heard this from their guys, and one of them more then once.

Um, I was pretty much asexual, I mean I didn't even have sex (or interactions, for the most part) with men I knew or dated so ... ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. But for some reason, my talking to them was taken as flirtation. Again, I say. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. Some 25 years later I am still more than a little grossed out by that, especially as they married three of these guys. What can I say. I'm hot. *cue maniacal laughter*

Now, I guess I DID once flirt with my friend's boyfriend. He had never touched a woman's breast before and was making such a big deal about it that I couldn't take it. So I grabbed his hand and shoved it up under my shirt and bra. The way he shook his hand, you'd have thought it had been stung by a swarm of bees. My friend thought it was about time, he was sick of hearing about it too.

JC said...

I find a lot of men assume you're coming on to them if you give them any attention. Men tend to be narcissistic. There could also have been some wishful thinking, there, too. But I agree: eyew.

LOVE the "For fuck's sake, just FONDLE this!" move! Men are such children.

karen said...

ya. Made me laugh, that's for sure. Seriously, you should have heard the squealing and whimpering that followed. I'm sure now, some 12 years later, he still shudders when he remembers. *grin*