Saturday, October 1, 2011


Well, last time I posted it was spring and I was having an acting-class breakdown. It's now fall, so the weather has gone from chilly to blistering to chilly again. I have not acted since last December and have pretty much lost my appetite for performing. I'm feeling more satisfaction in solitude. I have other artistic interests that I've been neglecting, and I don't need to prove to someone that I can do them in order to do them.

I have a new rabbit for Leroy -- she's been around for several months now; she was very young when I adopted her, so she's his trophy wife. They took to each other very quickly, and now they are inseparable. She's small. brown, and I've named her Sparrow. Actually, her full name is Lady Jane Sparrow Vashta Nerada Furry Piranha.

Because she, Gentle Readers, is a chewer. A chewer that makes a Great White look like a milk-licking kitten.

I've plexiglassed the furniture, shoved blankets under the sofa bed (she was climbing under and up inside and shredding something), stapled hardware cloth to the bottom of the love seat to prevent her from eating it from the inside like the creature from Alien, and have put flexible aluminum ducting over the legs of my dining-room table.

The trash-picked wooden side table has been given over as a casualty of war.

Part of this, I suspect, is because she's very young, and getting adjusted. As she's grown, the chewing has diminished, and hay seems to be all she needs for her chewing urge. She's also still a little skittish (she was found roaming the streets -- people, do NOT dump unwanted  rabbits outside - give them to a shelter!) and I think the chewing calms her. As a stress eater, I can relate; what I do to a pack of gum is unholy.

But I'll keep the place locked down for now.

George, Harry's brother and my last cat standing, passed away in August. He'd been having some issues with bladder inflammation, had an ultrasound, threw an embolism, had what appeared to be a mini-stroke, and after several days of watching him get worse, I took him to the vet to be put out of his suffering at the age of 20. What can I say -- it was hard. I miss having a kitty around -- It's been 23 years since I've lived without one. For financial reasons I won't add one to the house yet, but I do miss kitties.  I miss my kitties, terribly.

Have finally gotten over my crush on Younger Guy -- I knew I would; I just needed to wait until my brain got over it, and it did. We are completely incompatible, and there's only so many times I can suggest a movie or a book or a musical performance or an outing or a play and have it routinely shot down by a laundry list of gross over-generalizations as to Why He Won't Like It.  There's no way I could be happy or grow with someone so determined to reduce life to a series of unshakable prejudices. It's too bad - he's not a bad person, and I hope he finds that woman someday who motivates him to take more chances.

I'm getting to that point in life where I'm losing interest in romance completely. Or rather, in the notion that romance is real. I find myself more interested in hanging out with my female friends and having no guys around at all.

Earlier in the year I went back on an antidepressant I'd taken many years ago. I got tired of feeling on the verge of tears constantly, not to mention the free-floating rage. I'm better now, less manic, able to focus and be more measured. Which is by no means to say that I'm calm; just able to control the impulsivity much better. One side effect (which I had before) is memory issues. I forget the names of actors, books, etc. Things that I'd always been able to pull out of the air stump me. People watching me on the train must be perplexed to see me staring furiously at a point in space for several minutes before a look of relief washes over me as I mutter, "DIANE KEATON!"

I'm still stressed, mostly from work related to my condo board. Our property manager is another hi-drive woman like me; turns out we are on the same medication, and the other day we were talking about our crazy stress dreams:

"I'm in school and I can't find the classroom!"
"I can't get someone to drive me to the airport so that I don't miss my flight!"
"I'm trying to hurry but the ground turns to mud."
"I'm back in college and I can't keep my grades up with a full-time job."
"None of the cars starts, and when one does, it has bungee cords where the doors should be and I'm afraid the goat will fall out."

Much more has happened this summer, but enough of going backward --I'm making a pact to blog regularly again. It clears my mind, it helps me process and unwind. And it brings me closer to you.


karen said...

Hurrah! Reblog reblog reblog. I'm glad to see you here. I am a very patient reader, oh and by the way. Perhaps because I am the penultimate only when inspired blogster.

I'm so ready to leave the past behind me too. Uh, I don't know if I fb told you but we've moved into homeschooling. Uh, uh huh. I mean OMGWTF is what I'm saying to myself.

But no time to think about it today as I have cakes and sammies to make for an afternoon tea party for my lovely little girl who turned 7 two weeks back. It's much less late than the party I had for my big 4 year old, who turned that age some 6 months ago.

Never mind that it is my guy's birthday today, and we'll have people by later for dinner. Freaking?! Me?!

Regardless, you made my morning. Yep. You are THAT powerful.

Weird thing about my life (I thought I'd turn back to your blog again because, I don't know, I'm here) is that as much as I would prefer the company of women, I find that the only people that truly tolerate me are the guys. The stay-at-home dads from the school and my dear-old never-married for-one-reason-or-another friends from forever. My one close female friend? Likes women. I'd love to understand what that means about me but it likely means nothing.

And yay for meds! Whatever keeps a person off of the ledge, proverbial or real.

JC said...

I constantly miss birthdays/forget to plan; glad to know I'm in good company. How did the party go? Did you make your husband alien cupcakes too?

As for male/female friends - I understand what you're saying -- I was never a mainstream girl, and what female friends I had tended to be just as issue-laden/socially left of center as I was. I find that in different times of my life, my dynamic with female friends has changed. I'm single (divorced) with no kids, I'm not as common as a MWK. That mattered more in my 30s, less so in my 40s, when others' kids are older and not as demanding of friends' time. Also, I've found a group of women who have never been married, are close to my age, and who haven't made being with a guy a priority in their life. They are a lot of fun, and I feel like I've found a group I can enjoy and feel bonded with. The men I know are younger, but not kids, still they tend to be self-centered, tactless, and whiny. It could be the gender, it could be Chicago , it could just be these men, but I find I have no patience for them. I also get along really well with lesbians, because they don't define me by the fact I don't have a man. In my office I'm more pally with men -- they don't seem so puzzled by me. I say, as long as we find our comfort zone, we fill it with whomever resonates. And meds. Yes, always meds. :-)

karen said...

nope. I gotta tell you. The guys who are unmarried and older are more whiny and naval gazing. Don't know why I put up with it sometimes! But there you go, I'm all for longevity I guess.

Sorry it took me so long to find this ... I sometimes forget to go back and check and should really figure out how to get notified in mah email basket. sheesh!

and YAY! I found the box!

JC said...

Yes, i agree. It's just my futile attempt to find that elusive Where To Find a Great Guy formula. Truth be told, I'm not over Younger Guy - it's complicated. I am and then I'm not, and it all sounds so high school, but he's in my head in a way that someone hasn't been in a long time. He has his nut insubstantial flaws, but the thing that grabs me and keeps grabbing me is his directness and lack of pretension. He also has a very generous streak. I can't explain it. So I'm just letting it be and hoping I can handle the resolution.

karen said...

so weird. You must have just okayed this comment. I got notification that "somebody" posted. Guess Blggr is not smart enough to realise, hello? it was me. Must be a more-than-middle-aged man. =)