Sunday, October 24, 2010

Email purging as time capsule

Found this while cleaning out old emails. Don't know whether I'd posted this here, but I'd sent it to a guy with whom I'd had two uneventful dates back in 2007.  It's the kind of thing where, when you read it three years later, you wonder, "Did he realize with deep regret what a funny, whimsical person he so foolishly rejected, or did this come across as the mad scratchings of a total maniac, validating his choice completely and making him eternally grateful that he dodged that bullet?"

I don’t want to get your hopes up unnecessarily, because there are still two months left to the year and a dark-horse candidate could come out of nowhere and blow it all, but right now you are scheduled to receive the “I was 100% of Joy’s Dating Life in 2007” award!!!!!!

Prizes will include:

The expired condoms in my bedside table, dipped in bronze and mounted (Obvious pun avoided).
The scary emails from fiftysomething men from New Jersey and Elgin who insisted we would hit it off, Baby.
The flirtatious emails from not one but TWO men in whom I was actually interested before they decided to start sentences with the words “my wife...”
A soundtrack, with polka mix, of all the times a gay person here has said, “’re...straight?”
A copy of the plane ticket to my upcoming London trip on Virgin Atlantic, because by now I can claim reinstatement.

..and much, much more!!!

“I was 100% of Joy’s Dating Life” sponsored by Angostura Bitters, Cold Comfort Farm, on DVD everywhere, and the Society of Perpetually Single Women With Cats. “I was 100% of Joy’s Dating Life” is protected under U.S. and international copyright.

Publish Post

No comments: