High Anxiety

Tonight I put an offer on a condo and handed over an earnest-money deposit of a thousand dollars.

I can't decide whether the massive anxiety I'm feeling is my commitment phobia or the thought of another upheaval in my life. I've lived in this apartment longer than any other aside from my condo in Boston. I love it and have not found anything I love as much. I do really like the new place, but while it has a lot of charm, nothing beats my current apartment in terms of location, attractiveness, and vintage adorableness. I'll be giving up a walk-in pantry, and while it might sound stupid, it means a lot to me. I'll also miss waking up to my wall of wide windows and the neighbor walking his Giant Schnauzer, Buddy, up the alley. I keep reminding myself that there will be new community in my new neighborhood, but my subconscious is panicking at the thought of sort-of starting over. I know it will be fine; beneath all the anxiety is an anticipation and excitement, and my instinct tells me it's the right thing.

I'm excited about the new place, although it means I'll no longer live in Edgewater. I will be on the lake (actually RIGHT on the lake), so it will be nice. I'm excited, but daunted by the idea of another move, another big change.